It wasn't really mine to begin with. Its like a warm sunshiny day laying on a bench staring up at the sun streaming through the leaves of a tree. A fantastic feeling of comfort and ease and completeness. When I had it it was fantastic. We all know that nothing lasts forever but somewhere in the back of my mind I had hope. I realized recently that hope is my ultimate problem. There is far too much at risk when there is hope. So I won't hope for more Sunny perfect days just accept the regular course of nature.
I thought I could win, that I was enough. That I was special. When hope is gone comes the self doubt. Was it real? Was that perfect day really for me? Or did I make it something that I wanted it to be. Did I allow my judgement to be so clouded that I didn't realize until it was too late that I was simply a girl on a bench. A moment in time that passed so quickly the only one to give it any thought is myself. In the end it was all simply an illusion.