Thursday, September 8, 2011

I've lost something

It wasn't really mine to begin with.  Its like a warm sunshiny day laying on a bench staring up at the sun streaming through the leaves of a tree.  A fantastic feeling of comfort and ease and completeness.  When I had it it was fantastic.  We all know that nothing lasts forever but somewhere in the back of my mind I had hope.  I realized recently that hope is my ultimate problem.  There is far too much at risk when there is hope.  So I won't hope for more Sunny perfect days just accept the regular course of nature.
I thought I could win, that I was enough.  That I was special.  When hope is gone comes the self doubt.  Was it real?  Was that perfect day really for me? Or did I make it something that I wanted it to be.  Did I allow my judgement to be so clouded that I didn't realize until it was too late that I was simply a girl on a bench.  A moment in time that passed so quickly the only one to give it any thought is myself.  In the end it was all simply an illusion.

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