Status quo

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason.  So when i didn't get the job that I really, really wanted after graduating I assumed it was because something amazing was coming my way instead.  Shortly after I received a call from an old coworker and viola! I was graduated and employed and ready to make shit happen.
So here I am employed in the worst job I think I have ever had.  Why is it the worst?  Because I can't care about this job, I can't try and make this a better place.  No one here gives a crap, they are all totally ok with status quo.  No desire to update or even stop the employees from robbing it blind.  Apparently, they would rather have friends than employees. I tried for 2 months to help ease them into the technological era, and to nip the employee rapage in the bud.  While they smiled and nodded at me with glazed over eyes they were really just appeasing me with no intention what-so-ever of changing anything.  At least it kept me busy for a brief moment.
I am finding it more and more difficult to work at a place that I cannot invest myself in emotionally.  I am not a "punch-in punch-out" person.  I need to care.  I also need to be busy and that isn't really happening here either.  More and more I am looking for something new outside the state.  As much as I love Reno it doesn't seem to be reciprocated right now.  Leaving is a huge decision and one that i will not make lightly.  For now it is just a tiny pebble rolling around inside my brain.  I listen to it tinker around but I am still able to ignore it.  I fear that it shall become a bowling ball before too long and not easily ignorable.  We shall see.

treading water

I want my day back.  I don't want a crappy substitute that makes me feel mediocre and second guess myself.  I want that happy comfortable secure feeling that used to wrap around me like a warm fluffy blanket.  I'm sick of feeling the cold. 

Have you seen me?

I think its time to find myself again.  While I have had oodles of fun playing the party girl the last couple of months, crap I think its actually been a year, I am starting to miss the responsible Vickey that was always on top of her shit.  I know the Honky misses her. 
I'm not sure I remember her exactly but maybe I can keep some of the new and blend it with the old to make a new and improved Vickey.  One that sleeps a little more, studies a little more, and generally cares a little more.  Aha that was it, caring.  I used to care.  I know why I stopped caring but in hind-site I don't think that was the solution.  Although it did take me to some crazy places with some amazing adventures. 
I still want adventures so now I will have to deal with disappointment but that is better than losing myself in the madness. 

Amazing adventures=Good for my Soul

Lately I have been a tad on the mopey side.  Too much stress and not enough outlets.  Derby of course my main outlet was put on the back burner for school, and after a nasty spill at the marina I don't get to recreation skate for a spell either.
Stress List:
Tied for 1st and 2nd place: School and Derby.
Derby: If I put any more of my own money into the league I am going to have to quit school and work full time. How the eff are we going to make it through the next 2 months.
School: I haven't managed my time wisely and my grades show it.
I am accepting that this feeling of angst is here to stay for a while.  At least through the semester.
The cure for the angst is 24 hour mini vacations to SF.  Thank god for a good friend that lets me be me to an extreme level.  No filters, no offending, just super good times.  No planning, no stressing time and we always have a blast.  The most recent trip was so fantastic that I need to blog about it.
Friday night we went to our new favorite restaurant Grand Cafe.  Dinner was amazing as always but HOLY SHIT I have a new favorite drink-a fresh berry basil martini.  It was like candy.  Candy that got me trashed.  2 of those, 2 absolute mandarin and 7s.  Yeah I was barely walking.  Well thats how I felt but apparently I hide the drunk pretty well-Ed couldn't tell.  After 4 I had to head to the room, sleep came quick.  Saturday was time for touristy fun! Living in SF I never did any of the touristy BS, that was for the tourists right? Oh hell no! That shit was awesome.  We tried to do Alcatraz but it was sold out and so we rode the duck.  They gave us Quakers, we quacked, sang, danced, laughed.  I got to drive (when we were on water, not land).  Ed got a pic of me texting and driving. It was so awesome I am including the link http://sanfrancisco.ridetheducks.com/home.aspx  next was the Boudins for clam chowder in bread bowls and then the Aquarium-which was fun but they have nothing on the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  Then to top it all off we took the 30 Stockton back to the hotel.  If you haven't been on the 30 Stockton-well you've missed out on a true SF experience.  Then we headed our happy asses back to Reno.

  

                                          Berry Basil Martini of awesomeness

What a long strange trip its been

I just discovered this in my draft folder.  Its incomplete but I am going to publish it anyway so I don't forget about this amazing journey.

6/29/10
I know the title is a blatant rip off but it describes the last 2 days off my life perfectly.  Get ready for a novel.

It started because of a post on facebook-Skate for Sarah.  7 long-boarders skating Lake Tahoe for Sarah Pugh.  Sarah is a wonderful woman with an amazing spirit that has beat cancer once and sadly it has come back.
The skate for Sarah is a 72 mile skate that takes place in 48 hours.  Sounds easy enough.  I throw it out to the RRG's and I get Flash Crash and Toldya Twice to skate it with me.  When we told people we were doing this we got many strange looks and a few vocal "are you crazy's".  Hell no! We are derby girls here us whiiirrrrlllll, we got this.
Day 1-June 28, 2010
I started my day at 3am.  Having prepared my shit the night before I woke up brushed my teeth and rolled out to grab the gals.  We get to Safeway in Kings beach by 5am, gear up and head to the meeting place-Java Hut.  I think the guys were a little shocked to see that we actually showed up.  Hehehe they had no idea we were gonna rock this shit!  We set off for Incline a little before 6am, our first hurdle was Brockway.  It was a little slow going but we skated right up that hill as the boarders had to walk.  Yes! Score one for the roller girls.  I believe that was the only score for the Roller Girls.  Brockway gave way to Crystal bay and another hill.  Hills became my friend quickly.  At least on a hill I could control my speed. Leaving Crystal Bay we got our first taste of downhills.  tricky to say the least, while the boarders were able to "bomb"them we had serious issues slowing down and therefore tried to limit our speed as much as possible.  Our new friends Gizmo and CJ (the guys pacing us with water/snackies/cameras and video) stayed behind us to stop traffic.  That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  Incline Village brought us the joy of Lakeshore blvd!  Woohoo for a relatively flat bicycle path.  The path didn't last long and dumped us at HWY 28 - here we discovered our major downfall for the entire trip.  Lake Tahoe's roads are greatly lacking shoulders.  We stayed as close as we could to the guard rail and managed to make pretty decent time.  Until we passed Sand Harbor and hit the nasty effing hill (mountain) of doom that seemed to go on forever.  I cannot stress the word FOREVER in that sentence.  Somewhere on that mountain of evilness the pace car peeps had parked and were waiting for us with granola bars, water, and gatoraid. I believe that was the best damn granola bar i've ever eaten. 
50-Once again no shoulder or very minimal shoulder and while we tried very hard to stay to the right we still got honked and yelled at by assholes that couldn't bother to get in the left lane.  Douche bags.  Toldya rocked the downhill as she didn't care about the cars that were coming up quickly behind her.  Flash and I were a tad more cautious as the Semi trucks scared the shit outta us.  At least we were making decent time.  At Zephyr Cover our new found BFF's came back to hook us up with some water for the last part of our journey to the Hard Rock Cafe.  Which was awesome and not so awesome all at the same time.  Water was welcome "(and he other granola bar I scarfed down in 2.3 seconds) but stopping meant starting again and it was so much easier to just keep going.  We were all feeling the hurt/burn/exhaustion at this point.  We continued on as the sun beat down and the hills stacked in front of us.  The BFF's has said only 3 more hills.  We made it over 2 and sadly Toldya looked at the 3rd and realized her body was pushed to its limits.  Gizmo and CJ picked her up and Flash and I continued on.  The 3rd hill was nothing in comparison to the others and as we got to the top we realized just how close we were.  And suddenly there they were, we could see the gloriousness of the Casinos looming just in the distance.  That was all we needed to keep us going.  Shitty pavement and crappy sidewalks be damned we had made it!

As we walked up to the restaurant the boarders clapped and cheered for us!  It was an amazing moment.  These guys just skated (full speed with no gear) down HWY 50 and they were clapping for us?? The people at the Hard Rock Cafe were kind enough to buy us lunch and damned if that wasn't a tasty tasty bacon cheeseburger.  We sat and gabbed and enjoyed.  Damn it the part I was dreading had come.  Our official finish line for the day was Camp Richardson, that meant we had to put our skates back on and get there.  We ditched our bags in the pace car since it was only "4" miles away.  Toldya, after resting, decided she would throw hers back on too, yay!
4 miles? Who the fuck said 4 miles? It was apparently closer to 8 miles and NONE of the paths to get was in decent shape.  The road sucked (I thought California paved all the fucking time??) and the bike path was covered in gravel and sand.  So this little jaunt took us an hour so.  We all hit the "I don't give a shit, fuck off and die" point on this little side journey.  Not towards each other which was amazing but towards pretty much everyone else in South Shore.  Cat calls were fun for a bit but "Derby Dykes" was a little much.  If ever in South Shore and you feel the need to skate, don't.

Camp Richardson-Fucking awesome.  Again, we arrive to the guys cheering us on.  Apparently they didn't think we were going to make it.  Thats ok, we didn't think we were going to make it either ;)  We hit the beach, hung out, gabbed, bbq'd and had s'mores and went to sleep, yay glorious sleep.  So, at 3am (yup, I looked, it was on the dot) I hear noises outside and realize, pretty fucking quickly, it was a bear.  Awesome, the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep was bears.  I didn't want to go through this awesomeness alone so I woke up Flash.  She being braver than I looked out the screen part of the tent to see a baby and mama bear. Holy Fucking Shit.  The bear cub was in the tree that was next to our tent.  Oh My Fucking God.  The bears make noises at each other.  I Am Going to Die.  I tensed up and briefly thought about running for one of the cars.  The bears were too close. Shit.  Flash remains calm in the situation, well calmer than I was.  I am in full freak out mode now.  The cub started to come down the tree.  Awesome now both bears are going to maul me.  They moved behind us and sniffed around the skateboarders that weren't in a tent, just sleeping bags on an air mattress.  Thank god, of course that was an evil thought but survivalk mode kicked in somewhere.  They finally left and the only harm done was to this long board.

   Despite the adrenaline rush I was able to get back to sleep and we slept until 6 am then got ready for the final part of our adventure.  Blister band-aids, foot powder in our skates, new dr. scholls inserts purchased the night before.  A little sore but not as bad as I thought I would be.  I was ready!!
Emerald Bay & D L Bliss-Chewed us up and spit us out.  We trudged up the mountains and side stepped down.  With no shoulder on the side of the road and turn after turn we feared getting run over (since most of the cars thought the speed limit was 50+ not 35) and opted to side step or walk in the dirt (our skates were still on) when we could.  Oh so happy when I could actually skate but those moments were pretty rare.  It took us HOURS to get down the mountains.  By the time the skate boarders made it to Kings Beach I think we were just getting

I've lost something

It wasn't really mine to begin with.  Its like a warm sunshiny day laying on a bench staring up at the sun streaming through the leaves of a tree.  A fantastic feeling of comfort and ease and completeness.  When I had it it was fantastic.  We all know that nothing lasts forever but somewhere in the back of my mind I had hope.  I realized recently that hope is my ultimate problem.  There is far too much at risk when there is hope.  So I won't hope for more Sunny perfect days just accept the regular course of nature.

I thought I could win, that I was enough.  That I was special.  When hope is gone comes the self doubt.  Was it real?  Was that perfect day really for me? Or did I make it something that I wanted it to be.  Did I allow my judgement to be so clouded that I didn't realize until it was too late that I was simply a girl on a bench.  A moment in time that passed so quickly the only one to give it any thought is myself.  In the end it was all simply an illusion.

I feel guilty when I say no

Someday I will learn to say no.  Until then I am yet another stage of overwhelmed.  School, derby, unr club for derby, trying to have fun time.  Something is gonna have to give. Actually the thing that is killing me is my mother and her assuming I have all the time in the world to answer her emails and calls and run her bitch errands.  She has seen how busy I am and even commented on me needing an assistant yet she adds to my load without a second thought. *sigh*

So this is what its all about.

The year of me continues!
I had an amazingly EPIC good time tonight.  Jello wrestling was so much fun.  Not so much the Jello which was absolutely freezing but the RRGs and the crowd made it the best wrestling adventure yet.  Luckily (uh yeah I did the lineup) Brain Freeze and I went first so the jello was still pretty and looked like jello.  By the end of the night the orange and lime mixed with 40-something cans of whipped cream and looked basically like chunky light brown vomit.
The highlight of wrestling was a bachelor party (19 guys!).  They were phenomenal.  3 of them, wait 4?, wrestled the a girl but of course that turned into all the girls.  Even Sgt. Sin and the Nick of radness wrestled.  OMG sticky evil nastiness when it dried and it was everywhere. 
Back to the bachelor party of radness. I got a text from the grooms phone (who sent it I have no idea) saying Ï find you to be quite fetching. Come home with us!!!
What could I do? I HAD to meet up with them.  Did I mention that they took the peppermill bus to Carson for wrestling? 2 of them were kind enough to let me use their shower and we were off to the Mens Club where my showered wife would meet us.
They made us feel like Queens! Thanked us profously for the wrestling and even more so for joining them. They even toasted us.  My ego needed that.  It also enjoyed the blatant flirting from the super cute (but not so bright boy) who told me I was the most attractive girl that wrestled.  Woohoo for me!
Mens club rocked Groom bought me a lap dance and I knew the chick so we put on a good show for them ;)  Crazy crazy night.  Wound up back at their room hanging out until not attractive dood made a few too may passes and we took that as our sign to head home.
Fantastic night.  EPIC. 
I think people do this stuff often.  I think people are supposed to have fun.  I can't believe I have been missing out on all of this amazingness.  No point dwelling, I am just happy I learned now that I can go out and meet new people and have FUN. Fun, fun, fun, I deeply missed having fun and adventures. 

6 hours of awesome

So awesome in fact that I am actually going to blog about them.  Impromptu girls night out orchestrated through facebook.  Original plan: Laser tag and bull riding.  What really happened: Drinks and apps at Caddy Ranch with a rousing game of "have you ever".  Left fully tipsy and somehow forget entirely about the bull riding.  Did I mention that Sin (my hero) was our (creme, necro, and myself) DD.  Thank you Sin.  So our fabulous DD drove us to the GSR for laser tag and yippee Slayla met us there.  Hit the honky tonk bar but it was far to early (we weren't drunk enough yet) to line dance.  So laser tag! Yeah, fuck that.  Little kids everywhere.  Don't know what I was thinking.  On to the bowling alley bar for more drinks! Having been refueled with alcohol it was time for the next phase our night.  We headed to the Walmart.  Skates on in the parking lot, Slayla attempting to catch video we rolled inside.  The greeters greeted us warmly and asked us to slow down. SAWEET!
     Side note: When we did this at Target they booted us in about 15 seconds)
The floor inside Walmart is some amazing polished concrete.  AMAZING.  We cruised through grocery and then split up into 2 groups and cruised somewhere.  We thinks it was about 5 minutes before the manager politely informed us that we could not have roller skates in the store.  I asked if we could purchase and anergy drink on our way out and he obliged.  Are you kidding me??!! FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!  Saldy video didn't turn out but hey it was a freaking blast so who cares.  Next stop on teh girls night out tour was teh GSR parking lot to regroup.  Upon arriving at the car it was noticed that a woman was sitting inside her car honky her horn yelling at a gentlemen that was PEEING on her car.  Seriously.  RRG to the rescue we skate/run over and Slayla verbally asaults the guy.  At that moment the lady hops out and says Ït's OK, he is my best friend!"  We all had a damn good chuckle and her peeing friend told us he was happy there were still heors out there.  Slayla ran ém over a flier for our poker run and we were on our way.  To the Alibi.  Damn I love that bar.  If you haven't been then go.  Now, you can finish reading this later.  The Alibi was just as Epic as the rest of the night had been.  Truth or Dare app on Necro's phone, well really just Dare.  Sitting at a bar wearing roller skates, drinking, daring, and of course dancing on tables singing Journey at the top of our lungs.  Totally epic.  AND it wasn't over yet.  Donuts. mmmm donuts.  We skated over to the donut place at the beginning of Wells.  Dood, tasty tasty tasty donuts. 
That is what Spring Break is all about my friends.  Insanely fun nights full of drunken laughter and rediculous dares.  Some pretty funny-ass truths too. 
Sin almost got hit by a drunk driver on the way home, ironic?

2011 The Year of ME!

Holy crap I haven't blogged for an entire year. Hmmm the gist of it:
School was really really hard but I did well and had mostly A's and even the C+ in business calculus didn't bother me because....Cs get degrees!
Roller Derby almost broke me so many times I lost count. By "broke" I don't mean physically, I mean mentally.  It was a super hard draining year but you know what? The banked track is almost up and that makes it all worth it. More about that in a minute.
2010 also saw the demise of my relationship of almost 6 (or 7 not sure which) years.  Sad I suppose.  Whats really sad I guess is that I am not sad.  Why did I stay with something broken for so long that at the end I was relieved and not sad?  I do feel sad, sad for hurting him.  I never wish to do that to anyone ever again.  I know thats a pipe dream tho, its part of life.  People get hurt.  Someday he will get over it and hopefully be better off as I feel I am now.  Oh did I mention I might be dying of cancer?? LOL.  Yeah i'm pretty sure I am not but I go for the boobie squish test on the 14th.
So that was my 2010 in a nutshell.  Well except for starting the banked track build in December and OMFG, I had no idea it would be this much work.  Yes, I live in a bubble.  I thought it was going to be like IKEA and we just had to put the shit together.  So wrong and so thankful for the volunteer time of Workboots who is almost single-handedly completing the build.  I have done what I can and basically lived down there with Creme BruiseSlay.  I have done so many things I thought I never would.  I used power tools! I welded (once, fuck that it scares me), I cut steel and used a table saw and a grinder! Quite empowering really. 
I think I am getting back to who I used to be, ME.  I missed me, I think me missed me too.  Perhaps I will even keep up on the blog...or only when I am procrastinating. Shit I better finish my speech for class tomorrow.

The Phone Book

I do not understand why the phone book still gets delivered.  Why isn't it an optional thing? Or better yet why not a voluntary thing.  Call them if you want one.  Both Patrick and Jackie left them on the door step for a good week before they brought them in the house, only to shove them in a closet or under a bench.  I know that 100% of the population doesn't use the internet but honestly at least 75% does.  My mom does for goodness sakes.  So why waste the paper to print out these books that most people loathe seeing on their door step.  Oh and not 1 but 2 phone books.  Huge waste of paper and money, seriously.  Can we start a petition? 

Black Friday!

Its been ages and ages since I posted.  Too busy or lazy im not sure which.  I had to break the streak to write about the epic awesomeness that was back Friday!
Jackie, Pdog, and I rolled out of the house at 11:30 and headed to Legends where we signed up for the shopping spree and hit up a couple stores that were smart enough to open before midnight.  Then it was off to Toys R Us where we waited in line (with the rest of Reno?!) for 1.5 hours after the store had opened. Brrrrrrrr but well worth it as we got all the holiday deals we wanted and shopping for the boys is DONE.  Jackie scored quite a few things as (insert massive warm fuzzies) she and Ed are not buying presents for each other, they decided to buy presents for the Christmas on the Corridor kids and the cancer kids in the hospital instead.  Yeah you know YOU feel like an ass now, I do too. Toys R Us was crazy insane madness, you couldn't even push a cart down the isles (Jackie totally stole someones cart, and I will be forever grateful, pdog too since he got stuck waiting in the HUGE line while we shopped).
From Toys R Us it was back to Legends, after dropping pdog off at home, and clothes shopping for Jack and I until Target opened at 5.  Target was rad-doors were open and there was no counting heads and stopping people at a certain number.  They had their shit together.  Once again I got exactly what I went for and despite a line that went around the store we only waited in it for 10 minutes!  Jack was done after that so I dropped her happy ass off at home and headed to Ace for the shop vac pdog wanted, got there right at opening (7am) scored te shop vac and headed to 2 different Radio Shacks to get the sweet camera deal.  Finally got home some where around 8 am.  When I say home I meant the place I was cat sitting and while adorable I think the cat was either dying or on a hunger strike.
I managed to stay awake until 10am and then I was out like a light...until Jackie called at 11:30 because we had lunch plans with Kristel.  A quick trip downtown and yummy lunch with Kristel and we were off once again!  This time Micheals where I got all stocking stuffers taken care of and Costco.  Holy effin crap it was an epic day of shopping.
I somehow managed to stay awake until 10pm that night.  No idea how-it felt like high school times.  Super happy that I am DONE with Christmas shopping but even happier that Jack and I spent like 2 days together.  Despite a few bitchy moments-me in Forever 21 and she in Target and pdog in Toys R Us, yeah we all had our moments.  Oh and Forever 21 was awesome.  I have no idea how Jack can come up with this stuff so quickly. Sales girl "You cannot return lingerie" Jackie-"But I do it all the time" with innocent confused look.  I was lmao as the 18 year old said Jackie was corrupting her and I couldn't help insert-dont go A T M.
Steller good times and overall a rad weekend that didn't seem to end but now its Monday and I really need to do homework.

Anything you can do, I can do....(better)

I need to get this out of my system.
The System sucks. I think that I could potentially do anything. As in any job. Train me and I can do it. But I can't in the eyes of "The system". I need a degree to be considered competent or qualified. But that's crap too. Qualified? Ask any college graduate if they feel qualified after they graduate. Or if they retained any of what they just learned. Most will say no. Pdog and Jackie both laughed when I told them I was worried because I could not remember the CCNA stuff I had just learned. Apparently thats completely normal. So if no one retains what they learn and everyone learns on the job then why do I need a piece of paper so that I too can learn on the job. Proof that I, like so many others, am in debt because of school. So in order for me to get a good job I have to go into debt to "earn" that job.
Just silly thoughts that were eating me up the other night.

Reality Bites

I went camping this weekend. Yup, me, I went camping. And it was everything i dreaded-dirty, bug filled, what looked like a toilet but no plumbing, nature, allergies, etc. But I also had fun just hanging out by the water and gabbing like bitches with the girls. The boys had fun-both adult and child size. It was butt ass cold the first night but the second was better with patricks and my sleeping bags zipped together I had pdog on one side and digger on the other. They are my personal heaters. I was a little sad to pack up and go. Getting back to reality and chores and checking all the messages that were building up on my phone.
As soon as I got a signal the first message came through-"Where are you we need u"
Shit, it was from a derby girl. I goraned thinking of the derby drama that might have taken place while i was out of range for the weekend. I wish it had been derby drama.
Hannah, Mz. Vindictive, the girl whos always got my back is in the hospital. In serious condition. I dropped off the boys and the gear and headed to St. Marys with a brief stop over to get my car. I needed to get Kermit-he has kept me safe for many years now and i figure he coud do the same for Hannah. She was asleep when I got there and from what I have heard that was a blessing. She cannot talk and gets frustrated when she tries and that leads to crying. I was and have been doing plenty of crying since the call came in from LMT. I put on a brave face in the room but when I saw she was asleep the tears sneaked out. I left when the number of her real family (non derby) increased and realized with a little help from Jays mom (in a totally non rude way) that by visiting Hannah we all were making ourselves feel better but it really wasnt the best thing for her. SO I am sitting at home waiting for news and sendign her all my good ju ju and woosah. Please do the same.

Why is it

That I have good times and fun and always mean to blog about it but i only seem to have motivation when its bad times.
I did have a good weekend. Sunday was awesome. The river was rad, and the company was awesome. I needed that and it was a good "last day for Patrick". He started work today!!! Woohoo!!!
But blogs aren't meant for that. I like sharing the fun times with others. I don't like sharing the bad feelings with others, who wants to listen. Seriously, not like pity party or anything, everyone has their own worries to worry about. Blogs are so I can get it out and move on.
I am tired. Physically but mostly mentally. I should be enjoying the last few weeks of my summer before school starts but instead I am worrying about derby. I shouldn't be worrying about derby. We have tons of skaters, we are looking at warehouses, we have a double header coming up. Things should be great! But they aren't and I don't know what to do about it and I'm exhausted.

Uh-Oh

I am getting LAZY. I woke up at 11am today. It wasn't even like I woke up and went back to sleep and re-awoke at 11, I was in deep sleep until 11am! The only productive thing I am doing is laundry otherwise I am still in my jammies. I have done a lil rrg stuff but mostly watching tv and chatting thru messenger.
Ok I couldn't live with my slackerness so mid-post I got up and cleaned both bathrooms, windexed all windows (including the slider), picked up after Dig in the backyard and pulled weeds. I am now sweaty and ready for a shower.
I have started looking for a job. I really don't want to go back to work but I miss having money. On the flip side if I can get FAFSA money and go to UNR then that would be the ideal route but that costs money just to apply! So I need a job or a way out of this Catch 22.
If I do go back to work how the hell will I be able to balance work, derby, and life? I have been doing all things derby constantly since school let out. I am pondering starting a derby journal so one day I can look back and go-oh yeah thats where my mid-life went.....

The song WAS about me

I had a fucking crazy dream last night. I've had similar dreams in the past but it doesn't matter how many times I have them they scare me on a deep emotional level. I dreamed my body was covered in warts. Yeah, gross. I have also dreamed that I have no nose. The dream before this consisted of me having no teeth. WTF. There is always a horrible feeling of dread in my stomach before my brain decides to clue me that its a dream.
It's a horrible moment and even after my brain and my sub-conscious speak I can't get my dream to steer out of that direction.
Wat does this say about me? How vain am I if my fear is that I will be disfigured somehow. I need a dream dictionary cause I know that most of the time the obvious answer is far from the correct one.

Selfish

The 7th Reno Roller Girls bout was last night. I didn't get to skate. I was working the door until half time schmoozing and taking money and hand stamping and wrist-banding with Annibel and Mz. V. I had fun at the door. I like talking to people to learn stats, how they heard about us and what not. It also gives me instant gratification with $ #'s and if we covered our asses. Anyways, come half time I closed up the table and headed into the bout. Thats when things started to suck. There was drama, of course there was drama, there always is drama. But thats not what sucked. The sucketh part was that.....I WASN"T SKATING. Because, well, I am selfish damn it.
Its freaking awesome that we have 4 teams and I am so excited and all the new girls are so great. But right now I am being slefish. I love skating! I get a crazy high from it that I cannot get any where else. I cannot afford cocaine. :(
I am better now. In June I will be awesome. June 27th is the next bout and I, as well as Mz. V and the Wife, will be skating. Yesssssssssssssssssss!

Talking to myself

Talking to my self is a given. I state a question out loud and my brain responds silently.
Q: I wonder if I can get my Nutrition teacher to post the test early
A from my brain: You have enough to do, don't worry about that right now.
A from Patrick: It doesn't matter anyway your going to die.

The problem at hand is we both happen to talk to ourselves. Well in his case he is speaking to opponents in a game. Same difference.
Our worlds collided and the result is my death.

My Night

I spent good quality bonding time with Mz Hannah last night. Unfortunately it was at the ER. We got there about Midnight and at 3:30 they still didn't know what was wrong. I swear that room was a time warp. There was no way we were in that room for 3 and a half hours. If its possible we spent all that time talking about Jack in the Box mini churros. I still want some of those. I wound up going home just before 4 am. I went back and got her today (at 11:30) and she is resting at home now but we still don't know whats wrong with her :( Almost 12 hours and they couldn't figure it out! WTFEBBQ
It felt good to be there for her. We may not be super close friends but I know that girl has always got my back and it was nice to have hers too.
In totally unrelated news I need to start keeping track of Ed's monikers to date we have:
Eduardo
Heed
Hedgar
Edaroo
Head

(Wife! what was yours??)