Crazy with a side of crazy

treading water

2012-02-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

I want my day back. I don't want a crappy substitute that makes me feel mediocre and second guess myself. I want that happy comfortable secure feeling that used to wrap around me like a warm fluffy blanket. I'm sick of feeling the cold.

Have you seen me?

2011-11-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

I think its time to find myself again. While I have had oodles of fun playing the party girl the last couple of months, crap I think its actually been a year, I am starting to miss the responsible Vickey that was always on top of her shit. I know the Honky misses her.
I'm not sure I remember her exactly but maybe I can keep some of the new and blend it with the old to make a new and improved Vickey. One that sleeps a little more, studies a little more, and generally cares a little more. Aha that was it, caring. I used to care. I know why I stopped caring but in hind-site I don't think that was the solution. Although it did take me to some crazy places with some amazing adventures.
I still want adventures so now I will have to deal with disappointment but that is better than losing myself in the madness.

Amazing adventures=Good for my Soul

2011-10-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been a tad on the mopey side. Too much stress and not enough outlets. Derby of course my main outlet was put on the back burner for school, and after a nasty spill at the marina I don't get to recreation skate for a spell either.
Stress List:
Tied for 1st and 2nd place: School and Derby.
Derby: If I put any more of my own money into the league I am going to have to quit school and work full time. How the eff are we going to make it through the next 2 months.
School: I haven't managed my time wisely and my grades show it.
I am accepting that this feeling of angst is here to stay for a while. At least through the semester.
The cure for the angst is 24 hour mini vacations to SF. Thank god for a good friend that lets me be me to an extreme level. No filters, no offending, just super good times. No planning, no stressing time and we always have a blast. The most recent trip was so fantastic that I need to blog about it.
Friday night we went to our new favorite restaurant Grand Cafe. Dinner was amazing as always but HOLY SHIT I have a new favorite drink-a fresh berry basil martini. It was like candy. Candy that got me trashed. 2 of those, 2 absolute mandarin and 7s. Yeah I was barely walking. Well thats how I felt but apparently I hide the drunk pretty well-Ed couldn't tell. After 4 I had to head to the room, sleep came quick. Saturday was time for touristy fun! Living in SF I never did any of the touristy BS, that was for the tourists right? Oh hell no! That shit was awesome. We tried to do Alcatraz but it was sold out and so we rode the duck. They gave us Quakers, we quacked, sang, danced, laughed. I got to drive (when we were on water, not land). Ed got a pic of me texting and driving. It was so awesome I am including the link http://sanfrancisco.ridetheducks.com/home.aspx next was the Boudins for clam chowder in bread bowls and then the Aquarium-which was fun but they have nothing on the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Then to top it all off we took the 30 Stockton back to the hotel. If you haven't been on the 30 Stockton-well you've missed out on a true SF experience. Then we headed our happy asses back to Reno.

Berry Basil Martini of awesomeness

What a long strange trip its been

2011-09-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

I just discovered this in my draft folder. Its incomplete but I am going to publish it anyway so I don't forget about this amazing journey.

6/29/10
I know the title is a blatant rip off but it describes the last 2 days off my life perfectly. Get ready for a novel.

It started because of a post on facebook-Skate for Sarah. 7 long-boarders skating Lake Tahoe for Sarah Pugh. Sarah is a wonderful woman with an amazing spirit that has beat cancer once and sadly it has come back.
The skate for Sarah is a 72 mile skate that takes place in 48 hours. Sounds easy enough. I throw it out to the RRG's and I get Flash Crash and Toldya Twice to skate it with me. When we told people we were doing this we got many strange looks and a few vocal "are you crazy's". Hell no! We are derby girls here us whiiirrrrlllll, we got this.
Day 1-June 28, 2010
I started my day at 3am. Having prepared my shit the night before I woke up brushed my teeth and rolled out to grab the gals. We get to Safeway in Kings beach by 5am, gear up and head to the meeting place-Java Hut. I think the guys were a little shocked to see that we actually showed up. Hehehe they had no idea we were gonna rock this shit! We set off for Incline a little before 6am, our first hurdle was Brockway. It was a little slow going but we skated right up that hill as the boarders had to walk. Yes! Score one for the roller girls. I believe that was the only score for the Roller Girls. Brockway gave way to Crystal bay and another hill. Hills became my friend quickly. At least on a hill I could control my speed. Leaving Crystal Bay we got our first taste of downhills. tricky to say the least, while the boarders were able to "bomb"them we had serious issues slowing down and therefore tried to limit our speed as much as possible. Our new friends Gizmo and CJ (the guys pacing us with water/snackies/cameras and video) stayed behind us to stop traffic. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Incline Village brought us the joy of Lakeshore blvd! Woohoo for a relatively flat bicycle path. The path didn't last long and dumped us at HWY 28 - here we discovered our major downfall for the entire trip. Lake Tahoe's roads are greatly lacking shoulders. We stayed as close as we could to the guard rail and managed to make pretty decent time. Until we passed Sand Harbor and hit the nasty effing hill (mountain) of doom that seemed to go on forever. I cannot stress the word FOREVER in that sentence. Somewhere on that mountain of evilness the pace car peeps had parked and were waiting for us with granola bars, water, and gatoraid. I believe that was the best damn granola bar i've ever eaten.
50-Once again no shoulder or very minimal shoulder and while we tried very hard to stay to the right we still got honked and yelled at by assholes that couldn't bother to get in the left lane. Douche bags. Toldya rocked the downhill as she didn't care about the cars that were coming up quickly behind her. Flash and I were a tad more cautious as the Semi trucks scared the shit outta us. At least we were making decent time. At Zephyr Cover our new found BFF's came back to hook us up with some water for the last part of our journey to the Hard Rock Cafe. Which was awesome and not so awesome all at the same time. Water was welcome "(and he other granola bar I scarfed down in 2.3 seconds) but stopping meant starting again and it was so much easier to just keep going. We were all feeling the hurt/burn/exhaustion at this point. We continued on as the sun beat down and the hills stacked in front of us. The BFF's has said only 3 more hills. We made it over 2 and sadly Toldya looked at the 3rd and realized her body was pushed to its limits. Gizmo and CJ picked her up and Flash and I continued on. The 3rd hill was nothing in comparison to the others and as we got to the top we realized just how close we were. And suddenly there they were, we could see the gloriousness of the Casinos looming just in the distance. That was all we needed to keep us going. Shitty pavement and crappy sidewalks be damned we had made it!

As we walked up to the restaurant the boarders clapped and cheered for us! It was an amazing moment. These guys just skated (full speed with no gear) down HWY 50 and they were clapping for us?? The people at the Hard Rock Cafe were kind enough to buy us lunch and damned if that wasn't a tasty tasty bacon cheeseburger. We sat and gabbed and enjoyed. Damn it the part I was dreading had come. Our official finish line for the day was Camp Richardson, that meant we had to put our skates back on and get there. We ditched our bags in the pace car since it was only "4" miles away. Toldya, after resting, decided she would throw hers back on too, yay!
4 miles? Who the fuck said 4 miles? It was apparently closer to 8 miles and NONE of the paths to get was in decent shape. The road sucked (I thought California paved all the fucking time??) and the bike path was covered in gravel and sand. So this little jaunt took us an hour so. We all hit the "I don't give a shit, fuck off and die" point on this little side journey. Not towards each other which was amazing but towards pretty much everyone else in South Shore. Cat calls were fun for a bit but "Derby Dykes" was a little much. If ever in South Shore and you feel the need to skate, don't.

Camp Richardson-Fucking awesome. Again, we arrive to the guys cheering us on. Apparently they didn't think we were going to make it. Thats ok, we didn't think we were going to make it either ;) We hit the beach, hung out, gabbed, bbq'd and had s'mores and went to sleep, yay glorious sleep. So, at 3am (yup, I looked, it was on the dot) I hear noises outside and realize, pretty fucking quickly, it was a bear. Awesome, the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep was bears. I didn't want to go through this awesomeness alone so I woke up Flash. She being braver than I looked out the screen part of the tent to see a baby and mama bear. Holy Fucking Shit. The bear cub was in the tree that was next to our tent. Oh My Fucking God. The bears make noises at each other. I Am Going to Die. I tensed up and briefly thought about running for one of the cars. The bears were too close. Shit. Flash remains calm in the situation, well calmer than I was. I am in full freak out mode now. The cub started to come down the tree. Awesome now both bears are going to maul me. They moved behind us and sniffed around the skateboarders that weren't in a tent, just sleeping bags on an air mattress. Thank god, of course that was an evil thought but survivalk mode kicked in somewhere. They finally left and the only harm done was to this long board.

Despite the adrenaline rush I was able to get back to sleep and we slept until 6 am then got ready for the final part of our adventure. Blister band-aids, foot powder in our skates, new dr. scholls inserts purchased the night before. A little sore but not as bad as I thought I would be. I was ready!!
Emerald Bay & D L Bliss-Chewed us up and spit us out. We trudged up the mountains and side stepped down. With no shoulder on the side of the road and turn after turn we feared getting run over (since most of the cars thought the speed limit was 50+ not 35) and opted to side step or walk in the dirt (our skates were still on) when we could. Oh so happy when I could actually skate but those moments were pretty rare. It took us HOURS to get down the mountains. By the time the skate boarders made it to Kings Beach I think we were just getting

I've lost something

2011-09-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

It wasn't really mine to begin with. Its like a warm sunshiny day laying on a bench staring up at the sun streaming through the leaves of a tree. A fantastic feeling of comfort and ease and completeness. When I had it it was fantastic. We all know that nothing lasts forever but somewhere in the back of my mind I had hope. I realized recently that hope is my ultimate problem. There is far too much at risk when there is hope. So I won't hope for more Sunny perfect days just accept the regular course of nature.

I thought I could win, that I was enough. That I was special. When hope is gone comes the self doubt. Was it real? Was that perfect day really for me? Or did I make it something that I wanted it to be. Did I allow my judgement to be so clouded that I didn't realize until it was too late that I was simply a girl on a bench. A moment in time that passed so quickly the only one to give it any thought is myself. In the end it was all simply an illusion.

I feel guilty when I say no

2011-03-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

Someday I will learn to say no. Until then I am yet another stage of overwhelmed. School, derby, unr club for derby, trying to have fun time. Something is gonna have to give. Actually the thing that is killing me is my mother and her assuming I have all the time in the world to answer her emails and calls and run her bitch errands. She has seen how busy I am and even commented on me needing an assistant yet she adds to my load without a second thought. *sigh*

So this is what its all about.

2011-03-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

The year of me continues!
I had an amazingly EPIC good time tonight. Jello wrestling was so much fun. Not so much the Jello which was absolutely freezing but the RRGs and the crowd made it the best wrestling adventure yet. Luckily (uh yeah I did the lineup) Brain Freeze and I went first so the jello was still pretty and looked like jello. By the end of the night the orange and lime mixed with 40-something cans of whipped cream and looked basically like chunky light brown vomit.
The highlight of wrestling was a bachelor party (19 guys!). They were phenomenal. 3 of them, wait 4?, wrestled the a girl but of course that turned into all the girls. Even Sgt. Sin and the Nick of radness wrestled. OMG sticky evil nastiness when it dried and it was everywhere.
Back to the bachelor party of radness. I got a text from the grooms phone (who sent it I have no idea) saying Ï find you to be quite fetching. Come home with us!!!
What could I do? I HAD to meet up with them. Did I mention that they took the peppermill bus to Carson for wrestling? 2 of them were kind enough to let me use their shower and we were off to the Mens Club where my showered wife would meet us.
They made us feel like Queens! Thanked us profously for the wrestling and even more so for joining them. They even toasted us. My ego needed that. It also enjoyed the blatant flirting from the super cute (but not so bright boy) who told me I was the most attractive girl that wrestled. Woohoo for me!
Mens club rocked Groom bought me a lap dance and I knew the chick so we put on a good show for them ;) Crazy crazy night. Wound up back at their room hanging out until not attractive dood made a few too may passes and we took that as our sign to head home.
Fantastic night. EPIC.
I think people do this stuff often. I think people are supposed to have fun. I can't believe I have been missing out on all of this amazingness. No point dwelling, I am just happy I learned now that I can go out and meet new people and have FUN. Fun, fun, fun, I deeply missed having fun and adventures.

6 hours of awesome

2011-03-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

So awesome in fact that I am actually going to blog about them. Impromptu girls night out orchestrated through facebook. Original plan: Laser tag and bull riding. What really happened: Drinks and apps at Caddy Ranch with a rousing game of "have you ever". Left fully tipsy and somehow forget entirely about the bull riding. Did I mention that Sin (my hero) was our (creme, necro, and myself) DD. Thank you Sin. So our fabulous DD drove us to the GSR for laser tag and yippee Slayla met us there. Hit the honky tonk bar but it was far to early (we weren't drunk enough yet) to line dance. So laser tag! Yeah, fuck that. Little kids everywhere. Don't know what I was thinking. On to the bowling alley bar for more drinks! Having been refueled with alcohol it was time for the next phase our night. We headed to the Walmart. Skates on in the parking lot, Slayla attempting to catch video we rolled inside. The greeters greeted us warmly and asked us to slow down. SAWEET!
Side note: When we did this at Target they booted us in about 15 seconds)
The floor inside Walmart is some amazing polished concrete. AMAZING. We cruised through grocery and then split up into 2 groups and cruised somewhere. We thinks it was about 5 minutes before the manager politely informed us that we could not have roller skates in the store. I asked if we could purchase and anergy drink on our way out and he obliged. Are you kidding me??!! FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! Saldy video didn't turn out but hey it was a freaking blast so who cares. Next stop on teh girls night out tour was teh GSR parking lot to regroup. Upon arriving at the car it was noticed that a woman was sitting inside her car honky her horn yelling at a gentlemen that was PEEING on her car. Seriously. RRG to the rescue we skate/run over and Slayla verbally asaults the guy. At that moment the lady hops out and says Ït's OK, he is my best friend!" We all had a damn good chuckle and her peeing friend told us he was happy there were still heors out there. Slayla ran ém over a flier for our poker run and we were on our way. To the Alibi. Damn I love that bar. If you haven't been then go. Now, you can finish reading this later. The Alibi was just as Epic as the rest of the night had been. Truth or Dare app on Necro's phone, well really just Dare. Sitting at a bar wearing roller skates, drinking, daring, and of course dancing on tables singing Journey at the top of our lungs. Totally epic. AND it wasn't over yet. Donuts. mmmm donuts. We skated over to the donut place at the beginning of Wells. Dood, tasty tasty tasty donuts.
That is what Spring Break is all about my friends. Insanely fun nights full of drunken laughter and rediculous dares. Some pretty funny-ass truths too.
Sin almost got hit by a drunk driver on the way home, ironic?

2011 The Year of ME!

2011-01-05T18:28:00.000-08:00

Holy crap I haven't blogged for an entire year. Hmmm the gist of it:
School was really really hard but I did well and had mostly A's and even the C+ in business calculus didn't bother me because....Cs get degrees!
Roller Derby almost broke me so many times I lost count. By "broke" I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. It was a super hard draining year but you know what? The banked track is almost up and that makes it all worth it. More about that in a minute.
2010 also saw the demise of my relationship of almost 6 (or 7 not sure which) years. Sad I suppose. Whats really sad I guess is that I am not sad. Why did I stay with something broken for so long that at the end I was relieved and not sad? I do feel sad, sad for hurting him. I never wish to do that to anyone ever again. I know thats a pipe dream tho, its part of life. People get hurt. Someday he will get over it and hopefully be better off as I feel I am now. Oh did I mention I might be dying of cancer?? LOL. Yeah i'm pretty sure I am not but I go for the boobie squish test on the 14th.
So that was my 2010 in a nutshell. Well except for starting the banked track build in December and OMFG, I had no idea it would be this much work. Yes, I live in a bubble. I thought it was going to be like IKEA and we just had to put the shit together. So wrong and so thankful for the volunteer time of Workboots who is almost single-handedly completing the build. I have done what I can and basically lived down there with Creme BruiseSlay. I have done so many things I thought I never would. I used power tools! I welded (once, fuck that it scares me), I cut steel and used a table saw and a grinder! Quite empowering really.
I think I am getting back to who I used to be, ME. I missed me, I think me missed me too. Perhaps I will even keep up on the blog...or only when I am procrastinating. Shit I better finish my speech for class tomorrow.

The Phone Book

2009-12-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

I do not understand why the phone book still gets delivered. Why isn't it an optional thing? Or better yet why not a voluntary thing. Call them if you want one. Both Patrick and Jackie left them on the door step for a good week before they brought them in the house, only to shove them in a closet or under a bench. I know that 100% of the population doesn't use the internet but honestly at least 75% does. My mom does for goodness sakes. So why waste the paper to print out these books that most people loathe seeing on their door step. Oh and not 1 but 2 phone books. Huge waste of paper and money, seriously. Can we start a petition?

Black Friday!

2009-11-30T09:28:00.000-08:00

Its been ages and ages since I posted. Too busy or lazy im not sure which. I had to break the streak to write about the epic awesomeness that was back Friday!
Jackie, Pdog, and I rolled out of the house at 11:30 and headed to Legends where we signed up for the shopping spree and hit up a couple stores that were smart enough to open before midnight. Then it was off to Toys R Us where we waited in line (with the rest of Reno?!) for 1.5 hours after the store had opened. Brrrrrrrr but well worth it as we got all the holiday deals we wanted and shopping for the boys is DONE. Jackie scored quite a few things as (insert massive warm fuzzies) she and Ed are not buying presents for each other, they decided to buy presents for the Christmas on the Corridor kids and the cancer kids in the hospital instead. Yeah you know YOU feel like an ass now, I do too. Toys R Us was crazy insane madness, you couldn't even push a cart down the isles (Jackie totally stole someones cart, and I will be forever grateful, pdog too since he got stuck waiting in the HUGE line while we shopped).
From Toys R Us it was back to Legends, after dropping pdog off at home, and clothes shopping for Jack and I until Target opened at 5. Target was rad-doors were open and there was no counting heads and stopping people at a certain number. They had their shit together. Once again I got exactly what I went for and despite a line that went around the store we only waited in it for 10 minutes! Jack was done after that so I dropped her happy ass off at home and headed to Ace for the shop vac pdog wanted, got there right at opening (7am) scored te shop vac and headed to 2 different Radio Shacks to get the sweet camera deal. Finally got home some where around 8 am. When I say home I meant the place I was cat sitting and while adorable I think the cat was either dying or on a hunger strike.
I managed to stay awake until 10am and then I was out like a light...until Jackie called at 11:30 because we had lunch plans with Kristel. A quick trip downtown and yummy lunch with Kristel and we were off once again! This time Micheals where I got all stocking stuffers taken care of and Costco. Holy effin crap it was an epic day of shopping.
I somehow managed to stay awake until 10pm that night. No idea how-it felt like high school times. Super happy that I am DONE with Christmas shopping but even happier that Jack and I spent like 2 days together. Despite a few bitchy moments-me in Forever 21 and she in Target and pdog in Toys R Us, yeah we all had our moments. Oh and Forever 21 was awesome. I have no idea how Jack can come up with this stuff so quickly. Sales girl "You cannot return lingerie" Jackie-"But I do it all the time" with innocent confused look. I was lmao as the 18 year old said Jackie was corrupting her and I couldn't help insert-dont go A T M.
Steller good times and overall a rad weekend that didn't seem to end but now its Monday and I really need to do homework.

Anything you can do, I can do....(better)

2009-08-23T13:13:00.000-07:00

I need to get this out of my system.
The System sucks. I think that I could potentially do anything. As in any job. Train me and I can do it. But I can't in the eyes of "The system". I need a degree to be considered competent or qualified. But that's crap too. Qualified? Ask any college graduate if they feel qualified after they graduate. Or if they retained any of what they just learned. Most will say no. Pdog and Jackie both laughed when I told them I was worried because I could not remember the CCNA stuff I had just learned. Apparently thats completely normal. So if no one retains what they learn and everyone learns on the job then why do I need a piece of paper so that I too can learn on the job. Proof that I, like so many others, am in debt because of school. So in order for me to get a good job I have to go into debt to "earn" that job.
Just silly thoughts that were eating me up the other night.

Reality Bites

2009-08-16T19:15:00.001-07:00

I went camping this weekend. Yup, me, I went camping. And it was everything i dreaded-dirty, bug filled, what looked like a toilet but no plumbing, nature, allergies, etc. But I also had fun just hanging out by the water and gabbing like bitches with the girls. The boys had fun-both adult and child size. It was butt ass cold the first night but the second was better with patricks and my sleeping bags zipped together I had pdog on one side and digger on the other. They are my personal heaters. I was a little sad to pack up and go. Getting back to reality and chores and checking all the messages that were building up on my phone.
As soon as I got a signal the first message came through-"Where are you we need u"
Shit, it was from a derby girl. I goraned thinking of the derby drama that might have taken place while i was out of range for the weekend. I wish it had been derby drama.
Hannah, Mz. Vindictive, the girl whos always got my back is in the hospital. In serious condition. I dropped off the boys and the gear and headed to St. Marys with a brief stop over to get my car. I needed to get Kermit-he has kept me safe for many years now and i figure he coud do the same for Hannah. She was asleep when I got there and from what I have heard that was a blessing. She cannot talk and gets frustrated when she tries and that leads to crying. I was and have been doing plenty of crying since the call came in from LMT. I put on a brave face in the room but when I saw she was asleep the tears sneaked out. I left when the number of her real family (non derby) increased and realized with a little help from Jays mom (in a totally non rude way) that by visiting Hannah we all were making ourselves feel better but it really wasnt the best thing for her. SO I am sitting at home waiting for news and sendign her all my good ju ju and woosah. Please do the same.

Why is it

2009-08-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

That I have good times and fun and always mean to blog about it but i only seem to have motivation when its bad times.
I did have a good weekend. Sunday was awesome. The river was rad, and the company was awesome. I needed that and it was a good "last day for Patrick". He started work today!!! Woohoo!!!
But blogs aren't meant for that. I like sharing the fun times with others. I don't like sharing the bad feelings with others, who wants to listen. Seriously, not like pity party or anything, everyone has their own worries to worry about. Blogs are so I can get it out and move on.
I am tired. Physically but mostly mentally. I should be enjoying the last few weeks of my summer before school starts but instead I am worrying about derby. I shouldn't be worrying about derby. We have tons of skaters, we are looking at warehouses, we have a double header coming up. Things should be great! But they aren't and I don't know what to do about it and I'm exhausted.

Uh-Oh

2009-06-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am getting LAZY. I woke up at 11am today. It wasn't even like I woke up and went back to sleep and re-awoke at 11, I was in deep sleep until 11am! The only productive thing I am doing is laundry otherwise I am still in my jammies. I have done a lil rrg stuff but mostly watching tv and chatting thru messenger.
Ok I couldn't live with my slackerness so mid-post I got up and cleaned both bathrooms, windexed all windows (including the slider), picked up after Dig in the backyard and pulled weeds. I am now sweaty and ready for a shower.
I have started looking for a job. I really don't want to go back to work but I miss having money. On the flip side if I can get FAFSA money and go to UNR then that would be the ideal route but that costs money just to apply! So I need a job or a way out of this Catch 22.
If I do go back to work how the hell will I be able to balance work, derby, and life? I have been doing all things derby constantly since school let out. I am pondering starting a derby journal so one day I can look back and go-oh yeah thats where my mid-life went.....

The song WAS about me

2009-05-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

I had a fucking crazy dream last night. I've had similar dreams in the past but it doesn't matter how many times I have them they scare me on a deep emotional level. I dreamed my body was covered in warts. Yeah, gross. I have also dreamed that I have no nose. The dream before this consisted of me having no teeth. WTF. There is always a horrible feeling of dread in my stomach before my brain decides to clue me that its a dream.
It's a horrible moment and even after my brain and my sub-conscious speak I can't get my dream to steer out of that direction.
Wat does this say about me? How vain am I if my fear is that I will be disfigured somehow. I need a dream dictionary cause I know that most of the time the obvious answer is far from the correct one.

Selfish

2009-05-10T22:40:00.001-07:00

The 7th Reno Roller Girls bout was last night. I didn't get to skate. I was working the door until half time schmoozing and taking money and hand stamping and wrist-banding with Annibel and Mz. V. I had fun at the door. I like talking to people to learn stats, how they heard about us and what not. It also gives me instant gratification with $ #'s and if we covered our asses. Anyways, come half time I closed up the table and headed into the bout. Thats when things started to suck. There was drama, of course there was drama, there always is drama. But thats not what sucked. The sucketh part was that.....I WASN"T SKATING. Because, well, I am selfish damn it.
Its freaking awesome that we have 4 teams and I am so excited and all the new girls are so great. But right now I am being slefish. I love skating! I get a crazy high from it that I cannot get any where else. I cannot afford cocaine. :(
I am better now. In June I will be awesome. June 27th is the next bout and I, as well as Mz. V and the Wife, will be skating. Yesssssssssssssssssss!

Talking to myself

2009-05-05T16:53:00.000-07:00

Talking to my self is a given. I state a question out loud and my brain responds silently.
Q: I wonder if I can get my Nutrition teacher to post the test early
A from my brain: You have enough to do, don't worry about that right now.
A from Patrick: It doesn't matter anyway your going to die.

The problem at hand is we both happen to talk to ourselves. Well in his case he is speaking to opponents in a game. Same difference.
Our worlds collided and the result is my death.

My Night

2009-04-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

I spent good quality bonding time with Mz Hannah last night. Unfortunately it was at the ER. We got there about Midnight and at 3:30 they still didn't know what was wrong. I swear that room was a time warp. There was no way we were in that room for 3 and a half hours. If its possible we spent all that time talking about Jack in the Box mini churros. I still want some of those. I wound up going home just before 4 am. I went back and got her today (at 11:30) and she is resting at home now but we still don't know whats wrong with her :( Almost 12 hours and they couldn't figure it out! WTFEBBQ
It felt good to be there for her. We may not be super close friends but I know that girl has always got my back and it was nice to have hers too.
In totally unrelated news I need to start keeping track of Ed's monikers to date we have:
Eduardo
Heed
Hedgar
Edaroo
Head

(Wife! what was yours??)

Yesterday

2009-04-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

All my troubles seemed so far away! Now it seems as though they're here to stay...
Yeah so yesterday was awesome! The boy and I went on a fabulous bike ride. We started at my house in Sparks and rode all the way along the river to downtown. I didn't think I could do it. About 1/4 of the way there I vocalized these fears but the boy kept me going. My reward for this great feat??? An awful awful and oh it was so tasty. I can't believe I have lived in Reno for over 10 years and I have never had one before. We took an easier route back; hopped off the trail at Kietzke and followed that to Prater. My reward for going through town back?? A pumpkin marshmallow shake at Scoopers! Oh the tasty goodness that is Scoopers. All in all we rode 16 miles and not having been on a bike in 19 years I think I did pretty damn good. But my ass hurts...a lot. I plan to keep it up at least once a week. As long as this damn snow stops!

"The"

2009-04-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

Just a quick blog to note an observation.
Adding the word "The" in front of a location bother me tremendously. It, imho, makes a person sound white trash. Example: I am going to "The" Walmart. Patrick tried a wide array of establishments and it just doesn't work. Not even "The" Round Table. I am sorry if you use this phrase you must stop now. Thank You

the freak out

2009-03-31T17:58:00.000-07:00

Every day it gets closer. It's still many months away but closer than its ever been before. I have always said that I am 23 forever and believed it too. But now that 30 is getting near it feels like I went from 23 straight to 30 with no notice. I am officially freaking out. Moody-like chick moody. Like depressed and irrational and I think on the verge of another mid-life crisis (derby was my first). My desire to visit bars and go out on the town is a sure sign of crisis. Normally I am a home body happy as long as I have munchies and cable. I think in my brain thinks that if I go out and baout and do things then I am still young. And maybe it'll keep me from remembering that I am almost 30 and I have not met any of the goals I set for my life. That I am unemployed (yes I am going to school full time) and when I was employed it was not a career it was a job. It'll keep me from thinking about the very real possibility that my relationship will never get any better. That I will continue to be upset about the same things over and over because he simply will never change and I simply will never come before his own thoughts in his mind. That he will never ask me to marry him. That I can attribute many bad decisions in my life to him. My 5 year anniversary is tomorrow and guys are notoriously bad at remembering these things but c'mon-April Fools Day is the easiest day ever to remember. He has the kids tomorrow, I can handle that. His friend and her daughter are coming over tomorrow for dinner too. That I really can't handle. At this point I feel they have him more than I do. The really bad thing is the more it happens the more I don't care...and not in a good way.
In the way of the world when one part of life crashes another does well. Practice was rad last night. I was back to jokey havin fun time. In other news I have made it 10 days without a cigarette. Well 9 full days. Typing this has really made me want one and I will be helping Mz. V with an english paper in a couple hours and she smokes...so we will see if I can hold out.

Shoes

2009-03-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

I have been retreating inward lately. When I say inward I mean the couch. Its a really comfortable couch, very inviting. My favorite pillow has joined me. Its become my safe haven.
My brain is fried. My Spring break has not been a break. I have been doing homework like its a full time job. When I am not doing homework I have been trying to hide from all things derby. Derby -the one thing that used to bring me immense joy is now the bane of my current existence. Its funny how quickly things change. Just a few weeks ago I went on the best road trip ever with 3 fellow rrg's to LA to skate on the Derby Dolls track. It was EPIC! Not just the skating-which was rad and the picking their brains-which was radder-but the whole road trip. 16 hours in a car with 3 chicks and we got along the WHOLE TIME. Amazing. We told stories, played games, bought team beef bowl sweat pants and some random gas station on the way back. Ate way too much junk food, drank too man energy drinks and loved every minute of it. Seriously it was the best most needed time. I even got to see my brother and his son (so freaking adorable!) Jack West. He is gonna be a movie star some day-I have no doubt of this.
As I dropped off the last girl reality set in and the panic of homework that needed to be done and derby crap that needed to be done set in. But it was all quite manageable. The next bout came up so quickly I didn't even have the normal freak out time for it. Of course as this was bout number 6 maybe I am just getting used to it all. Anyway bout number 6 was GREAT. I didn't feel all bitter like I did at the last bout. I didn't let bad juju get to me. My team stayed positive and had a great time. Terri and her ENTIRE family came down to see it along with Sara and Kera and Thomas and Patricks mom. It was a super great feeling to have all those people supporting me. I had an entire row of fans! WooHoo. It was also the best crowd we have ever had. All seats filled and people standing all over the place. AWESOME. At half time I really thought the Dolls were gonna over take us but the Mollies wound up winning. I thought we all had a great time. I guess I was in such a good place that I didn't notice the other team wasn't in the same happy place. I can understand being upset at a loss. I cannot understand not looking to yourself to see where the problem lies but instead attacking the other team and telling them someone needs to leave. That someone being me. I am tired off being attacked. I am tired of spending all of my free time on derby just to be argued with for every decision that is made. I am tired of people not getting involved and then bitching because they were not told. Like its a secret club. Secret club of the door mats. All of this has caused me to retreat. I am not stalking my email accounts like usual or answering my phone on the first ring or even responding to messenger. I don't have it in me to even pretend to be a person right now. I am abandoning homework as of this moment so that I can pay attention to a neglected friend. The television. The television does not ask anything of me. Lets me choose what I want to watch, even lets me pause mid sentence so I can get a snackie or pee! TV also does not require me to leave the house. I had to leave to feed Jackie's kids yesterday and I didn't even bother to put on shoes. Just left in my socks. I don't even have the energy or desire to wear shoes! Today when I had to leave the house (to check the rrg po box) i put on patricks flip flops because they only required minimal effort on my part but it did take me a good minute of thought to not leave bare footed. Oh I did manage to put on jeans for my jaunt to the po box but otherwise I was still in my jammies. If left to my own devices I would prolly just stay here and not make contact with anyone. So its a really good thing my wife is checking in on me. She knows me. A day goes by without contact and something is definitely up. Which it was and while I don't want to talk about it, with her it all comes pouring out. She understands cause shes is stuck on BOD of doom too. Thank God.
Did I mention I have the plague too? Yes, just when you think you've hit rock bottom the rock crumbles.
In other news I am super happy to be going to SF to support Mz V this weekend. Shes a superstar and I am so proud of her! And hopefully Sunday I will get to see the wife and her mom. A nice weekend something to look forward to. But that means I will have to leave the couch. Maybe I will be Lucas and take a cushion with me. Then I can be AJ and glue quarters to the floor. I have always wanted to do that. Jackie has an extra coffee table...hmmmmmm.

I hurt, everywhere

2009-02-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was the bout. I am pretty close to positive that all the hard work (the driving around town handing out fliers, selling ad space, making phone calls) paid off. We had a great crowd at the rink and omg the freshmeat were amazing-they set up, sold raffle, cleaned up and generally did whatever was asked of them. Which of course makes it so difficult to let them skate in the next bout. They better all find a replacement!
The first half was crazy tension and a bunch of bitterness from me. I was super unhappy with the way people were playing. Its so easy to say "Just let it go and have fun" its so freaking hard to actually to that. Despite Robins numerous pep talks, even one that kept my team from having a pivot or blockers on the track, it was so hard to pull myself out of that black mood. I am sure it had a whole lot to do with this being my first bout without health insurance and I walked away from it with more injuries than ever before. I've got some awesome rink rash on my left hip, my right knee is wicked bruised, my right shoulder hurts, my right arm is totally bruised where I tripped over Patrick and hit the penalty wheel (yeah, yeah) my ass hurts from getting knocked on it all night. But its derby and I love it! I am bummed none of my bruises are photo worthy.
Oh and of curse my wife gave me a bloody nose! Wasn't painful just managed to get bumped in the right spot. And I needed that, I needed a fun little fight it got me back in the mood I wanted to be in, I needed to be in.
So the Mafia Mollies won (that's the team I am on) but it was super close.
The damper on the evening was girls from the other team in town showed up to bestow upon us their advice. Which they yelled out as we were skating y like we had never done this before. Like this wasn't our 5th bout in less than a year! They even had the nerve to walk up and offer to coach us. I was upset over that but simply skated away. I don't understand when they are going to accept that we skate but 2 completely different sets of rules! One team has nothing to do with the other. Its absurd that its been 1.5 years since I have been an RRG and this crap has always been happening. It is only a small number of their girls that behave that way, unfortunately their president is one of them. That's the girl that came to the bout and yelled snide comments throughout and if that wasn't bad enough she showed up at our after party too. She and another cornered our girls and told them we would never be banked track and tried to recruit our media relations girl and our Vice Prez. Dumb CUNextTuesdays didn't realize the mistake they made there! After they threw a beer at H.Ivy and got punched in the face for it they were booted from the bar. Only to return an hour later at which time Mz Vindictive handed them their asses. I don't condone derby girls fighting derby girls and everyone on RRG knows they are not to talk badly of any other league including the other league in town or the one in Tahoe but when this girl smack talks at the bout and then shows up at out after party still running her mouth well then she got what she deserved. I will back Mz. V 100% and I will also be damn glad that Mz. V is on my side and has my back!
I went into this bout worried about my team v your team mentalities and unneeded rivalries. There was for sure tension during the bout but the after party was anything but clicky and I am quite happy that things returned to normal.
I don't know if I really want to bout again in a month but I am sure by that time I'll be more than ready.

Spinning

2009-02-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

I need to know if other people feel this too. Some nights when my eyes are closed and I am trying very hard to go to sleep I get this feeling like my body is spinning. Spinning and rocking at the same time. That sounds absolutely horrible and I can only liken it to the feeling you get when you've had to much to drink. However without the alcohol its this rad super soothing, calming feeling. I have no idea why it happens or how to make it happen. As I laid down last night it happened and I went to a super happy place in my mind. Then one little thought of the evenings events brought me back out into the dark reality. Which brings me to my second question. When it is dark (outside, inside, wherever there is no light) I see all these little tiny colored dots everywhere like snow on a tv set but colored. I think I tried explaining this to someone once and they thought I was crazy but I'm pretty sure it has to be a normal thing. As I get older it is becoming more and more clear that we (people) just aren't as unique as we think we are. Its kind of depressing in a way. Shoots down my theory that the whole world revolves around me. Oh my gosh if my High School history teacher could read that sentence he would fall over and die. We had many arguments about my insignificance and I never wavered. The whole world revolved around me. Now I don't want it to, it's too much pressure. I don't want to be in charge.

The good times always come at a price!

2009-02-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

The price for this good time was sleep. I guess I can't complain too much I still slept for 7 hours. The boy only got 5 hours of sleep.
When I got home from practice last night I was all wound up as I usually am (either from hard skating or drama..) and he was still awake. So we started to talk about the night since he came to practice (but didn't stay for all of it) he had some input for me that was quite helpful. But that wasn't the good part. The good part was when we started talking about nothing. Absolutely nothing of importance but there were tons of giggles and belly laughs. I thought at one point I was going to hyperventilate and of course my cheeks started to hurt in that great way when you have been laughing too much. Sitting here the next morning I have no idea what we talked about except that Patrick and Paula get drunk together, Paula Abdul, that came about because I harmlessly sang one of her lyrics wrong. Crap maybe I sung it right Patrick isn't known for knowing those kinds of things. But despite that he corrected me and informed me that he and Paula drink together and then he completed the verse I was trying to sing. I don't even know why I was singing that particular song except it had something to do with my cold feet......cold hearted snake! Ah, yes its all coming back to me now. Which may lead me into a meatloaf song so I better stop this before I start.

Superbowl!

2009-02-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

WooHoo Football! Hahahaha like I have the attention spam to watch football. At least last year I liked the Patriots (when I say like I mean I used to live in CT and so I root for them and same with San Francisco). So last year it was quite entertaining to be the only female in a room full of guys and the only Pats fan. But at least it was fun witty banter the whole night. Although watching Brady get sacked repeatedly got to be a little much, well not so much watching that as the glee and happiness on everyones face when it did happen.
This Superbowl no one was rooting for anyone really. I mean everyone seemed to choose a side but not really care. There were some good plays thank god but overall it was just really long. Luckily Grace was here so I could make derby references to get myself thru it. The quarterback is now the Jammer in my mind and they don't fight nearly enough. Although one guy did and he fought dirty! Punching the other guys back, that's not right. And the ballets moves were pretty cool too. I just can't handle the stop and go, stop and go. Way too much downtime for not enough action in my opinion. Although I think there are millions of people out there who disagree for starters the 75,000 that were in the Stadium and lets see cheap seats are $2,000. So that means at minimum they made $150,000,000. Holy beejezus that's a lot of money.
Dude it would be so sweet if that crowd was there to see Roller Derby! Good god i really need to start talking about other things I'm sure my non derby friends are quite sick of hearing about it by now.

Cell Phones & Cigarettes

2009-01-30T08:23:00.000-08:00

In class yesterday it was brought up that for some it may be easier to give up cell phones than smoking. I think I probably fall into that category as well. My cell phone has slowly taken over my life. Derby of course greatly helped that out. Before derby I didn't have unlimited minutes and texting was rarely done. Now I'm up to 1200 minutes+ a month and probably just as many texts. I am trying to get more polite about my phone usage. If I hear the chime of a text I try and wait until there is a break in conversation or dinner is over or what not. But if it chimes twice then I have to get up and see what it is. I have to! I tried to make a rule that after 5 on weekdays I wasn't available to the derby peeps it lasted for awhile and maybe they just need a reminder.
I just finished watching Good Morning America and there were 3 teenagers on that were labeled "Extreme Texters". They averaged 33,000 texts a month! Holy Crapola what could you possibly have to say? At least I'm not that bad! Well if the boy could have his say he would tell me I am that bad. If I don't answer my phone or a text right away he asks if I am feeling OK! Hopefully he is joking I have been making an effort to be a little better. Like quittting smoking-one day at a time and start by cutting back slowly.

Tired

2009-01-28T19:08:00.001-08:00

Rock Band-great game super fun and very addicting. Also the reason I am super tired today. I didn't get to sleep in either not that I have been but if I had the choice I would have slept in today. I didn't tho I woke up at 8 so that I could take the angel to the park and hit the town with Taryn. Our goal was to go from business to business asking for money. Hooray you say "Oh I wish I could have been there!" Asking people for money, yes it was a joy. My least favorite task for the RRG but quite necessary because well, we are poor and NEED money. It was despite the whole being told no thing I got to hang with my derby peep Taryn and gab. Its nice to get out after spending way too much time watching daytime television lately. OMG it was fine for the first week or 2 but then the boy decided to ditch the movie channels. Damn it. I hate commercials. I am so spoiled by the damn DVR. I remember the old days when I would get up and do stuff during the commercials like laundry or dishes or pee. Not anymore now I just record what I want to watch and fast forward. Damn I am lazy. Everything I need from the comfort of bed. TV and laptop so I can farm while I watch tv. Damn Grace for introducing me to my farm. I lost 2 whole crops during the SF trip. 2 crops! Yea so its a fake farm on facebook, so what. I am quite attached to it. Maybe because I don't have a green thumb in real life. I have a blck thumb. Terri and I used to put all the plants we'd killed on the back deck. It was a sad sad site out there. But now I don't need dirt or water just a computer and who cares that I get nothing from it. I get satisfaction.
It was a very satisfying day but now I am sooooooo tired and I have practice. *Woosah*

1 Day Road Trip

2009-01-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I drove 3 derby girls and myself (duh!) to San Francisco to get on that wonderful banked track of the Bombers. The track was awesome as always. A little crowded-it seems word is spreading that people can just jump on the track and have at it so there were a lot of girls from Sac City and even a couple from Spokane, WA. I was super stoked when Dave asked me to be one of the people up front for drills. I need a little acknowledgments here and there. Not all the time just every now and again-but who doesn't. Hannah was doing awesome learning some tricky backward whips with Frank and I am super proud of VaNastee and Bottle Rocket who kept at it till they got it!
As much as I love the track and skating the best part was the car ride there and back. Good conversation, jokes and derby dreams the whole way. I love it when I get to hang with girls I don't know so well and get to know them better. It was the perfect mix of girls to make it interesting and entertaining. We stopped at Ikea on the way there for lunch (Swedish Meatballs!) and I wish I could say our stops on the way home were as pleasant and uneventful as Ikea was. Sadly no but stil a good time. We made it to the Reno turn off on 80 (just past sacIi think) and stopped for gas-totally delirous. The cashier thought we were high as we tried to decide between hostess and candy and energy drinks and sodas. I went with the Chocolate Hotess Pie and a strawberry soda that complemented the energy drink I had previously quite nicely.
Then it was smooth sailing again until right before Boreal when the EFFING CHAIN NATZIS in California had a damn mandatory chain check. Of course they plan these things right before a gas station and it was mutually decided that for $20 it was well worth it for the gas station attendant to put them on for us. I would like to say that I did bring a trash bag, gloves, a beanie and blanket to put on my own chains but it was 1:30 in the morning and I was tired! The rad guy that put the chains on agreed to take a picture with us. When I say agreed I mean we prolly made his night!
Anyway that was 1:30am and it was slow going from then on out. We finally got them off (I mean Hannah got them off cause shes fuccking rad) just past the agriculture check station and after dropping everyone off I got home at 3:40am!
Holy shit tho those girls are the best co-pilots ever! Very little dozing and awesome conversation the whole way! A very succesful trip imho.

Permanent Vacation!

2009-01-13T19:03:00.001-08:00

Attitude is apparently my downfall. Not bad, just attitude. I was laid off due to cut backs on December 31. We all knew this was coming and I was quite prepared. The poor guy who had to break the news to me was very somber while I tried rather poorly to hide my shit eating grin. That was it I am free. I have been free for a little while now and while I did have a few do nothing but watch tv days I find that derby is now my full time job. Not that it hasn't been its just different when I'm not cramming into spare minutes at work and actually planning my day around it.
Thank god we are practicing again or I would be having many moments of "why am I working my ass off?". Oh yeah cause I get to skate! And when I skate everything is good and happy.
The boy is being incredibly great about the whole laid off thing. So is the sister. Of course I am cleaning their houses since I have the time. I am slightly worried tho that I may have been sucked to far into derby. Must balance better and not get all consumed.
Oooohhh and on the ex-work front the bitches that threw me under the bus are slowly going down in flames. And those that were my friends there still are and are defending me! That's so amazing to me as most of the time the person that gets canned becomes the scapegoat for all and I even told Mz V that I don't mind if that became me. But she wont let it! What a rad girl.
So happy I have my network of peeps and my poor wife who has me calling all the time for everything from venting to omg (insert randomness here)!
Ooohhh and a new venture with an old friend-Cakes of awesomeness. I am not so good with the hands on but I have ideas and she can make fondant! WooHoo!!!!
Plenty to keep me busy.

Vacation!!!!

2008-12-19T16:12:00.000-08:00

I get to be on ghetto vacation next week. If I didn't have to come in for half a day Weds. I wouldn't have to see this place for 9 days. But thats ok I an suffer thru one half day and do whatever I want for the rest of the week. Everyone will it to be sunny so I can get out there and skate. My legs are withering away!
Oh on the bright side (so bright I gotta wear shades) I think my last day in this evil place will be the last day of this year. I have signed myself up for a full load of classes and will actually graduate after the Spring semester. Its only taken me 6 years! I got lost and then found the boy and work and DERBY and now I think I can balance everything.

News Flash

2008-11-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

I have ATTITUDE! Yes indeedy. The new boss sat me down for a friendly chat where he informed me that he has noticed 2 things about me: 1. I am very competent 2. I have attitude.
Not bad attitude....yet. Just attitude and apparently I am undermining myself. He asked if that was fair. I said yes, and it mostly stems from the frustration of not knowing what is going on in this place and of course Survivor Island. He assured me that I have a place here and I'm smart and good at my job and blah blah blah. He seems to be a rather intelligent guy and I am trying not to hold it against him that he has no idea whats going on and that he seems sucked in by the hags in the back.
In other news I am stuck at work on Black Friday and have finally decided that is quite a blessing as I really shouldn't be spending money on more items to fill the void in my life. I miss the high tho! Oh that quick fix of happiness. But I really do need a 1TB external Hard Drive-I swear I do and a net book (porn book as the Honky calls it).
I am also patiently waiting for the boy (who did make it out to the Black Friday sales) to bring me lunch. Many hours have passed since I last spoke to him and I am worried he may have been devoured in a mob of crazed WalMart patrons. That means I'll be needing a new black dress.....

Epitome

2008-11-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

My day started at 5:30 am this morning. I went to sleep around 12:30am. I needed to take the Boy to his carpool as his car is still in the shop *shakes fist at Honda dealership*. Of course first the boys needed to go to their moms house in aluminum heights. So I am trying not to be cranky as the Boy did make coffee and warm up my car but its really hard on 5 hours of sleep to be a chipper happy person.
We get into the car where I proceed to try and take a nap on the ride from Sparks to Sun Valley. Yeah that didn't happen. Ok I will get a wittle nap in on the drive to Damonte Ranch Pkwy. No sireeeeeeeeeeee the Boy somehow completely misses the eyes closed head off to one side thing I have going on and tries to talk tome the whole way there! Ok fine fine we arrive and I should have 1 hour to sleep when I get home.
1 Block from home my cute wittle Digger Doggy starts gagging. Luckily the sweetheart that he is he leans forward so he only gets a little bit on the seat and all the chunky stuff is on the floormat. So yeah there goes my sleeping time. Instead I stood outside at 6:30 in the morning cleaning yuckiness out of my car so it wouldn't smell like doggie puke.
So brief run down on where I have been: Sparks, Sun Valley, South Reno, Sparks then back to Reno for work.
My work day has made the morning look like a walk in the park however. Survivor is still on and I am slowly sinking. While I briefly decided that it was worth fighting for I have now decided that I do not want to be anything like the evil sheisty hags in the back. If I continue to stay here I think its inevitable that I become one of them. Vacation is calling my name, sleep, cable, munchies, lotsa skating.

Oh My Word

2008-10-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

That's it. I have hit the edge of the internet. I have exhausted all of my known entertaining sites. Yet I have so many more hours of work. I know there are productive things I could be doing but the inbox is empty and my brain is as well. Hannah can attest to that as very few things that have left my mouth have made any sense today. I guess its time to perfect the art of looking busy. Until they decide to give us something to do! After many many requests its apparent they wont.
1. Always have a file in front of you open with papers in disarray as though you have rifled through them.
2. Windows button+d is a fabulous thing. Click, click, click of windows being shut is a dead give away.
3. Don't look up when someone approaches your desk, type frantically (instant messanger is fabulous!) and become enthralled with your monitor.
4. When someone asks for something point to the stack in front of you and explain "as soon as I am caught up" with a pathetic shrug.
Slave drivers....
Yeah pretending to be busy in a real estate office, don't know how much longer I can pull this one off.